My name is Leala, I would like to call myself a photographer and an artist, yet I feel I need to do a bit more before I claim those titles.

This blog is a chance for me to reconnect with old work, and lay it out bare for examination, while also following the progress of my body of work for this year. I feel I need this considered contemplation of my work to help myself assess how I feel about claiming the title of 'photographer' or 'artist'. 

Who even am I? (cue angst). 

I have a tendency to do work, and then hoard it, often never to see the light of day again. This is my chance to push past that and share my work, entrusting it to the ether that is the internet. After all, I believe it was Austin Kleon who said the secret is to do good work and share it. 

So, here I am. Sharing it...

I recently completed a Graduate Diploma of Applied Arts (Photography) from Whitireia Polytechnic, and hold a BA (Pacific Studies) from Victoria University. Currently I can be found being a mother to my 6 year old son, trying to find balance in my life, attempting to reignite my artistic practice... whilst eagerly awaiting the arrival of identical twins sometime in July 2016. Fun times. 

I've moved my inaugural blog post from the depths of my blog (it's not actually that deep yet, but shhhh...), to below. I kind of felt that it fitted better here, as it sort of explained what I am trying to achieve with this blog, and a little bit of what I am about. :) 

#first

Welcome to my maiden blog post, on this, my brand spanking new website. Oh happy days, oh joyous life. 

Please know, this is quite a stretch for me. I tried blogging, once or twice. It was ok, and I enjoyed it, then it petered out. I was not the next big thing, I was not a rising it girl, I was not doyenne of the cyber fabulous. Turns out, I lack a certain drive to tell people my thoughts, and talking to the void of the internet was far less appealing than binge watching Game of Thrones, and, you know, general life and living. 

But here I am, back again. This time it is in the context of me and my artistic practice - or lack thereof.

I have returned to study, after a long absence, having taken up pursuing a Graduate Diploma in Applied Arts (Photography) from Whitireia Polytechnic. I have been absent academically, but also artistically, I've spent the last 5 years figuring out how to be a mother and be competent in my home realm and family life. It was quite a shock to the system, but an enjoyable one. Before the birth of my son (who is now 5), I was finishing up my Bachelor of Arts (Pacific Studies) from Victoria University. By finishing up, I really mean finishing up, I was sitting exams at 38 weeks pregnant. Ha! Life's been full and fun and awesome and I sure have learned a damn lot already, though there wasn't a lot of time for my creative practice.

I have always been creative and artistic in one way or another, and it gives me great joy and pleasure, though I haven't always honoured or realised how important a part of me it actually is. This year is a chance for me to reconnect with my creative practice, and really consider if and how it might work for me in the future - I want it to be my life and career, though even saying that is super intimidating! 

Photography is a major part of my personal practice, and has been part of my life since I was a child. I have vivid memories of utilising the family point and shoot for my own personal projects. My grandfather was a keen photographer, and I often remember him with his Contaflex, snapping and preserving family history, teaching me how to photograph the toadstools our in the front garden.When I was around 12 or 13, my dad gave me my first Canon SLR film camera, and I was hooked.

In high school I joined the photography club, and spent many, many hours and lunchtimes in the comforting still of the darkroom. I still love being in the darkroom, the thickness of black, so black and dark, you'd never experience it on the outside, life has too much light, even at night. That enveloping soothing dark was broken by the warm red glow of the safety light. To me this was a lesson on the enormous power of our eyes, once you let them adjust, you realised how well they could see with so little. There would always be the constant trickle of water, and (hopefully) the hum of the extractor fan. It was like being in some sort of cave of myth, or what I might imagine a womb was like. Prints would be hanging up drying, and make for an interesting nosy. People would come and go, and you'd exist in a camaraderie of creating, or alternatively, you'd be alone. Occasionally people made out, alas though, not me. Not matter it's state though, I loved it. It was a room brimming with potential energy, fabulous works were waiting to be brought forth. 

 It was endlessly exciting to me to be alchemist in the balance of art and science that is photography. The technicality of developing and darkroom practice was fascinating, the mix of chemicals, the pursuit of 20 degree water, the precision of time and timing, the art of manipulating and capturing light. Photography, after all, was a scientific experiment before it was an art practice. Some of this scientific wonder has been lost in the demise of analogue printing and processing. Maybe lost is the wrong word, maybe it has been more re-distributed, and now it's less about chemicals and processes and more about sensors and pixels. 

I am endlessly grateful I got to learn the craft in the darkroom, and using film. Learning to meter light with your hand, operate your camera manually and understanding the fundamental principles of photography is so freeing, you have the flexibility to apply these skills in so many ways. Shooting with film really taught me about the decisive moment, and how to pursue it when you may only have 24 shots. Shooting without the ability to review was a great learning curve too. Cameras these days are amazing, and I love them, but I still return to these lessons I learnt all those years ago, whether I'm shooting digital or film. I am grateful that these traditions still live on at my school, The Photoschool, and all these years later I can return to the darkroom, develop my films, maybe try a pinhole,or experiment with historical practices like cyanotypes and birchromate printing. There is no limit to the possibilities, in a digital world, the hand processed and printed still appeals to me. I move freely between the digital and the analogue, considering how each can benefit whatever vision or project I am attempting to bring to life.

And so here I am, returning to my photographic work after such an absence.Wish me luck! I have fittingly put my Instagram feed up on this blog post, as seriously, that was about the extent of my photography over the last 5 years. And that's OK. I love Instagram and all those iPhone apps, they helped me keep my connection to my photography alive, when it might have dried up forever. Some of it's well over-cooked, or embarrassing, but I leave it all up there as a record of how I was at the time. And they're fun! And they're part of the new wave of innovations in photography's relatively short, yet massively prolific history. We are living in a world saturated with images, it's never been easier to capture an image, share it, print it, or keep it as digital ephemera. And it is within this context that I have to figure out how to make images of meaning and value (to me). Yay! I'll look back and look forward and think about it all, and hopefully come out the other end with something worthwhile. 

- Leala